


Why Did You Kiss Me

by sowish



Category: Fifth Harmony (Band)
Genre: But mostly angst, F/F, Fluff and Angst, also writing het is disgusting
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-07
Updated: 2016-05-07
Packaged: 2018-06-06 22:01:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,912
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6771952
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sowish/pseuds/sowish
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>There were always reasons why Lauren kissed Camila. Love was one of them. But so was anger.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Why Did You Kiss Me

_“You had a boner”_

 

Lauren was beautiful, even the blind would know that. Camila might not have had 20/20 vision, but even with her blurred view, Lauren was the most beautiful person she’d ever seen. During the X Factor, Camila and Lauren, established cuddle buddies, were usually the last to sleep so while the other girls slept peacefully into the night, Camila had pressed a kiss, her first kiss, right on Lauren’s lips. And if a kiss could paint vivid murals with the softest of caresses, Lauren’s sure as hell would paint the most breathtaking.

 

“Why did you kiss me?”

 

“It’s cliché but you’re just so breathtaking and I just wanted to kiss you, to have you resonate through my body.”

 

But it was a one-time thing. Keaton had made a move on Lauren and who was she to say no to his undeniable surfer charm. Camila wasn’t hurt; in fact, she supported the relationship, teasing Lauren when she would come back with swollen lips and dark marks below her collarbone.

 

~.~.~

 

_“The only person around”_

 

But come several months later, Lauren was alone- Keaton a distant memory. And Camila was, well, happily single. Except one night, she wasn’t so happily single and Lauren was feeling more alone than before. One late night, Lauren crawls into the warm confines of Camila’s bed and they spend their time cuddled up in their sheets, lips painting dark marks and tongues telling stories.

 

And then, there came many more nights just like it. All too often Lauren’s exhaustion would spill her thoughts as the moonlight streaked through the curtains in a light glow.

 

“Lauren, why did you kiss me?”

 

“I’m so fucking lonely.”

 

“Is that why you come here at night? Because I’m a willing warm body to sleep with?”

 

“Yes. But you kiss me back just as hard, if not harder. You’re just as lonely as me.”

 

Camila’s silence was enough confirmation.

 

~.~.~

 

_“No one did”_

 

There were times when insecurity struck Camila hard. Sometimes it felt like little seeds planted into rich soil but sometimes it felt like a speeding train impacting her frail body.

 

Tonight, the train felt like it was going a thousand miles an hour.

 

She was worrying if she’d ever find love, self-deprecating herself like she always would. She was dismissing her crooked teeth and her expressive russet eyes, fidgeting with her clothes and pulling at the fat residing at her stomach.

 

“How am I supposed to fall in love if the only kisses I’ve ever had meant nothing? How is someone supposed to fall in love with someone like me?”

 

Lauren wanted to fight through the fog that wrapped Camila in a chokehold and she wanted to show her that she wasn’t some insane image her mind conjured up, that she was more than worthy to have someone fall for her. And those kisses they’ve shared weren’t intentioned for means of a relationship, but they meant _something_. They were the warm blankets of comfort that held them together when things got hard. They were genuine and sweet. They meant the world.

 

So Lauren does something about it. Anything, to show the significance in everything Camila doubted.

 

She lifts her chin with a gentle finger and brushes her lips against chapped ones and tries to paint the passion and necessity through the fleeting kiss.

 

“Do you understand why I kissed you?”

 

Camila does.

~.~.~

 

_“Too many people did”_

 

Camila wasn’t typically a jealous person, far from it. But when she catches Lauren’s tongue writing stories with Brad Simpson’s, almost two weeks after her breakup with Luis, she feels her blood boil underneath her skin and she can feel the scorching heat travel through her veins.

 

After performing their set and Lauren’s kissed her “good luck’s” to The Vamps, Camila presses her against a wall in a dark corner and she tugs at her lips, digs crescent moons into pale skin and bruises the column of Lauren’s neck with harsh bites and soothing licks.

 

“Why did you kiss me?”

 

“You’re kissing so many people. Stop. It’s driving me insane.”

 

“So what? You expect me to drop everything and just stop kissing people? Only bruise your lips and your neck?”

 

“Yes.”

 

“You drive a hard bargain. But fine.”

 

“Good.”

 

Camila can feel Lauren smirk against her lips as she presses a soft apologizing kiss on Lauren’s.

 

“You should do that more often, the whole dominance thing. It was hot.”

 

“Anything for you.”

 

~.~.~

 

_“ ’Love’ ”_

 

During the winter, Camila and Lauren were in love. Fascinated only by each other and caressed only by each other. Their lips proclaimed it throughout the hours of the day and painted blood red hearts on the inside of their thighs. After her showers, seeing the dark mark just to the side of her neck brings a smirk to Camila’s lips as she can hear Lauren’s throaty voice barely ring through her ear. She can almost feel the slight tug on her ear and the breathiness that coated Lauren’s speech.

 

“God, I love you. I love what you do to me, how you make me feel.”

 

“Glad to know I’m not the only one.”

 

Camila presses “I love you” kisses against her knuckles, the tip of her nose, the area behind her knees and up her thighs. She paints her “I love you’s” onto Lauren’s lips and lets the words slip between their mouths and lets her tongue write the sensations she feels when Lauren pulls Camila closer to her body, trying to mold them together as one.

 

They shared typical nights together where music was blaring through one of their laptop speakers and they were dancing and jumping like they had no care in the world. Camila seemed to shine and her smile seemed to be sunny like the sun and Lauren just presses a sweet kiss to Camila’s wild lips.

 

“Why did you kiss me?”

 

“Because I love you.”

 

“Well, I love you too. But at least let me finish my dance move.”

 

~.~.~

 

_“Have you been drinking?”_

 

They’ve been falling apart.

 

A boy with green eyes seems to be the reason why.

 

So when Camila tells Lauren that Austin was going to take her out to preview some songs on his upcoming album, Lauren almost wants to bash her head against the wall. However, the cabinet of liquor locked away in her house seemed much more appealing.

 

When Camila comes back an hour too long, Lauren pushes harsh, bruising kisses to Camila’s lips. And when she smells the feint musk of his cologne, she bites down hard enough to draw blood. When Camila peers into jealous hooded eyes, she feels the helplessness that lurked within Lauren, can taste the bitterness that remained on soft lips.

 

“Why did you kiss me? Have you been drinking?”

 

“Maybe. He makes me so fucking mad. He wants you, when you’re obviously mine, and you just keep playing his game.”

 

“What the hell are you talking about? I’m not playing any games!”

 

“Stop fucking lying! I can smell him on you! I bet if I were sober enough to look at you clearly enough, I’d see fucking hickeys on your neck.”

 

“Your assumptions are so delusional! I would never cheat on you! I thought you trusted me?”

 

“At this moment, I really fucking don’t.”

 

Slamming the door, Camila leaves that night, abandoning Lauren’s heart at the mat as well. They’ve fought recently about Austin but this is the worst they’ve had. Lauren’s too far-gone to realize what her impulsiveness has done. But when she wakes up in the morning with a pounding headache, she finds wilted flowers left at her doorstep and a box of her clothes that had hung in Camila’s closet.

 

She wants to cry. When she drowns herself in liquor the next night, she allows the dam inside her to break and lets the swirling ache inside her chest pour out onto the ground and shake through her lips.

 

~.~.~

 

_“It hurts not to”_

 

A couple months have passed and Camila’s obviously moved on- if the way she hangs off Austin was enough proof. Lauren likes to think she has as well, likes to think the boys she kisses can will away her regret and pain. But they don’t because when she closes her eyes, she can still see the way Camila looked at her with pity and remorse. So instead, Lauren decides to live in the false pretense of happiness and peace. Except, whenever she sees Austin press kisses against Camila’s cheek and sees their entwined hands, Lauren can still taste Camila on her lips, can still feel the warmth her arms provided. When she reaches behind her to mold Camila closer to her, all she feels is the empty thin air.

 

They’re in the studio one day and the rest of the girls have gone to get lunch while Camila decided to curl up on the couch to bury her nose in her book. If asked, Lauren wouldn’t be able to say what happened next in detail. One second she was across the room and the other she was pushing Camila against the couch pressing angry kisses against her neck, hot tears brimming her eyes. Camila doesn’t push her off, instead wipes at her pale cheeks.

 

“Why are you crying?”

 

“It hurts to not have you, not to have you in my arms and be lucky enough to call you mine. Hurts too much to not kiss you.”

 

Camila just kisses away the tears that streaked her cheeks, kisses Lauren’s knuckles and pecks soft kisses against salty lips. She lets Lauren burrow her head into the crook of her neck, lets her leave occasional kisses there. She just runs her hand through Lauren’s wavy hair and whispers sweet nothings into the tense air.

 

Nothing changes after that- almost like nothing’s happened. But Lauren can’t pretend that she didn’t cry into Camila’s neck, can’t pretend that Camila kissed her more times than she could count. Lauren’s more of a mess than she was before.

 

When Lauren confronts Camila about it the week later, she brushes it off and Lauren can feel the stitched gash in her heart split open.

 

“Why did you kiss me?”

 

“You were crying and I didn’t know how to get you to stop.”

 

“So you just kissed me? Multiple times?”

 

“They didn’t mean anything.”

~.~.~

 

_“I’m so fucking bored”_

 

Camila and Austin don’t last. Go figure. Something about how they didn’t fit together and how they fell out of their attraction for each other. Lauren is genuinely doing better. She can carry a full conversation with Camila and the thought of kissing her does not once pass through her mind. But one night in Los Angeles on their apartment’s rooftop, they found themselves immersed in one of those deep conversations that were about everything and anything. When they run out of words to say and Lauren glances over to find Camila, she was looking at her with this stare she’s seen before. The thought of feeling those soft lips once again crosses her mind and Camila’s eyes were enraptured with how the city lights casted a glow on Lauren’s pale skin. However, behind the wonder, her eyes didn’t shine, they were dead and looking for something to shock them alive. So, suddenly, she leans over and tentatively closes the distance between their lips.

 

“Why did you kiss me?”

 

“I’m so fucking bored. I need something, someone to excite me.”

 

“And I was the first option?”

 

“Yes.”

 

“Okay.”

 

~.~.~

 

**Author's Note:**

> i wrote this awhile ago but i've decided to migrate my works from 5hff to this site. anyways i hope y'all enjoyed this!!


End file.
